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Shock, denial, and Regret. Adios, my best teacher, mentor, and advisor.
About 7 am today, I woke up, only to notice a couple of messages on a Whatsapp group of friends, and on another group on Facebook.
“Prof. Ashish Sureka was no more.”
I went into shock. And denial. While everyone was sharing their reactions, I just didn’t know what to say. I picked up myself and went outside for a walk looking for an undisturbed spot at this place Narkanda where I arrived yesterday. It was a whole flashback of the old times. The shock continued for next several hours and I couldn’t gather strength to even check what really had happened.
I got to know the details that he decided to end his life due to the ongoing depression and had committed a suicide, much later when a friend and batchmate who happens to be from Narkanda called up to check how I was finding this place. The details of what had happened were brought to everyone’s attention from the Facebook post by another Professor from our alma mater. I went to see his post…
The post links to a blog post from Prof. Ashish who shared about his depression and his fight against the same in 2015. This was the first time I found this blogpost.
Talk to anyone who ever met him, one thing every single person will tell you is the extremely soft-spoken manner he always talked in. His ever smiling face was always full of positivity. In my two years of working closely with him, I don’t think I ever saw him angry. Without any doubt, he was one of the rare few people, everyone liked talking to.
Very early during my B.Tech. I got to work under his guidance and that continued to me taking all the courses he was teaching, and in parallel working with him on several projects, few of which got published in reputed conferences. I distinctly remember several of our meetings, discussions, high teas and the lunches in and outside our campus. Things he used to tell me, moments from the classes he was teaching, and our one-to-one conversations.

That’s me and the-always-smiling Prof. Ashish Sureka from one of the conferences we went to present a paper, one of the many times he provided me the opportunity to work with him.

And that’s us having a small celebration when our research group received a research grant.
“Atul, it’s not enough to just start things, it’s even more important to see them through and take them to their logical conclusion. Persevering won’t often be easy but that’s the only way to do good things that matter.”
“Atul, you should be more decisive and be part of the decision, and not just leave it up to others to decide for you.”
“Atul, you can do better than this.”
As far as memory goes, I always had an interest in programming but it was only after taking a course taught by him that I developed a real interest in Computer Science. What it really means to build something big, parts by parts. He was always supportive of me even during my academically difficult times, which doesn’t happen often in the education system. It’s safe to say that I am what I am, thanks to guidance by him.
Not long after this, my life took a turn and I happened to gradually move away from research towards the startup world and we happened to go out of touch. We barely spoke to each other in past 5 years. The only brief conversation that happened in a long time was on Twitter recently when in response to one of my Tweet he said…
Good blog Atul. Keep writing, building and making innovative things solving user’s problems
— Ashish Sureka (@ashish_sureka) December 6, 2016
In retrospect, he clearly was still suffering from depression and yet his response was so positive and motivating!
Now that I read his post from 2015, in which he tells others suffering with depression to
“…take the right treatment and surround yourself with supportive/positive people.“
I find it incredibly selfish of me to not have been there in his difficult times, especially when he helped me so much. Forget about being there, I went so out of touch that I never even knew what he was going through.
It’s easy to tell yourself that nothing I would do, would have changed what happened, but maybe, just maybe? The thought that a small action from your side had a non-zero probability of changing an outcome so big and important, is something that makes digesting this incredibly sad news all the more difficult. Lately, I have been living a life without any regrets but this one, this one is a clear regret I have. This regret is a burden that would stay with me.
The minimum I can think of that I must do is reducing this self-imposed Vanvaas, and seeing more friends and family more often.
I surely can’t even imagine what his family and the people who were actually close to him during all this, must be going through.
To my best teacher, mentor, and advisor who is so unfortunately not among us anymore, I truly hope you find the peace up there.
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My favorite book reads of 2016
At the start of the year, I had set a target of reading 12 books for the year. Thanks to Kindle, which makes reading an even more convenient and enjoyable experience, I was able to progress faster than what I planned. Below are the top 5 books I read, that I’d strongly recommend to everyone. I hope my brief review also helps you deciding whether these are meant to be in your reading list or not.
1. The Gene: An Intimate History

But can humans responsibly “enhance” our own genomes? – Siddhartha Mukherjee
This book is an amazing read about the basic unit of heredity that all of us are carrying hidden deep inside the building blocks of our body. Grasping the contents does NOT need any serious biology background and it’s a great read explaining how evolution occurred, how similarities and differences surfaced as part of the evolution.
A gene in the biological world, as described by the author is much like atom and byte in the physical and computational worlds. All three are fundamental to the understanding of those respective worlds.
The author goes in depth about several hereditary diseases, treatment case studies and even picks examples of hereditary diseases affecting people close to him. To summarize, the whole book is about past, present, and future of genetics – the study of heredity. It’s amazingly written!
2.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things: Building a Business When There Are No Easy Answers The struggle is where greatness comes from. – Ben Horowitz
In this amazing book, Ben Horowitz walks the reader through his experiences of building his companies and the challenges he faced during the journey. This book is about his opinions on what to be careful about when dealing with ‘hard things’ as that’s the hard thing about hard things – there is no recipe for dealing with them. The author reasons that the hard thing isn’t dreaming big. The hard thing is waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat when the dream turns into a nightmare.
This is a book which I’d recommend to every person in the tech industry in general, and people in tech startups in specific. It gives insights into various things which, especially early in your career, are NOT intuitive. This gives a glimpse of situations from both sides of the table. It’s a must read for managers!
3. Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think
For the first time in history, our capabilities have begun to catch up to our ambitions. – Peter DiamandisAs the title suggests, this book depicts a future full of an abundance of everything which we face scarcity of, at present. The authors walk you through recent innovations and those that are underway. And how using them we can solve world’s biggest problems.
The authors focus on exponentially growing technologies which have already started showing an enormous impact on basic needs such as food, water, energy, healthcare and education. Many of the problems the world faces today are inter-connected, such as, availability of energy (electricity) reduces burning of biomass resulting in a radical improvement in health, ecology, and also frees women and children from gathering biomass providing more time for people to get jobs and education, allowing more and more people to come out of poverty at a fast rate.
With all the optimism, the book balances the rosy picture by walking you through challenges we’re likely to face with the exponentially growing technologies. Challenges such as Bioterrorism, Cybercrime, Robotics and AI-induced unemployment.
4. Zero to One: Notes on Start Ups, or How to Build the Future What important truth do very few people agree with you on? – Peter ThielThis masterpiece by Peter Thiel is about how to build companies that go from 0 to 1 – creating something new. Peter, based on his experiences of being a co-founder (of Paypal and Palantir) and investor in startups (which includes Facebook and SpaceX, besides hundreds of others), shares the patterns he has noticed.
The book is mostly about how startups usually differ from big companies, how a small group of people can innovate faster than big dysfunctional companies and eat into their business, and how entirely new markets get created.
Peter stresses that building a monopoly is the easiest way which benefits everybody and creates sustainable profits for the creator. Every monopoly is unique, but they usually share some characteristics such as proprietary technology, network effects, economies fo scale, and branding. He discusses how to get there by starting in a niche and scaling up from there.
5. Annapurna: The First Conquest of an 8000-Metre Peak

It is possible to win against all the odds if you just keep trying.
The above quote from the book brilliantly sums up the challenging journey of Maurice Herzog and his team. This book is one of the greatest adventure stories describing the conquest of Annapurna and their race against time during an even more challenging descent as the monsoon hits the mountains.
I read this book during my month long travel in Nepal. I was hiking Annapurna circuit + Annapurna base camp and reading this book with a backdrop of the majestic Annapurna provided a great context and connect. The book is full of goosebumps moments!
Like this post? Consider sharing it! Have you already read one or more of these books? Let me know your thoughts!
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My favorite inspirational movie quotes
Every once in a while, you come across a movie which inspire you a lot or forces you, do some self-introspection. I have collected here some such quotes which have deep meaning, and which I like a lot. Even though, the quotes have no information about the context, but if you’ve seen the movie I’m sure you’ll get the context. Do post some other good inspirational movie quote off the top of your head, in comments below. I’ll keep adding more as and when I watch a new movie or re-watch an old one and come across a dialogue worth it.
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Moving from WordPress.com to my own domain – AtulGoyal.com
Since a long time I have been thinking about blogging regularly, but many times it happens that I write a post, but never click that publish button and sometimes just delete the post, for some weird reasons.
A few months ago, I wrote my first post and the blog was hosted on WordPress.com at https://maverickgetsgoing.wordpress.com